Just when I was feeling good about this month, we had a little set-back. The doctor called (herself, not the nurse) and told me that the Radiologist suspects I might have a cyst on my right ovary. Hmm. Apparently he can't see it on the x-ray, but the way the dye is "spilling" out of my tubes, its pouring over something. She said it could be nothing, or it could be something. The only way to know for sure is to have an ultrasound.
Fine, I'm fine with the ultrasound part -- after what I went through on Monday, I'm not phased -- its more emotional then anything. And a little anxiety, of course, but mostly I'm just bummed because I could feel my chances for things going well this month quickly slipping out of my reach as the dr. was talking. If it is a cyst, the chances of the Clomid working, along with the HSG, are null. And I'll never know if that cyst was there before or whether it was brought on by the meds. Grrr. Either way, I'm sure we are going to have to take some time off which is what frustrates me the most.
If one more person tells me that "its only been a few months" I am going to scream. I'm really not sure people hear me when I say that its not that I expected to be pregnant by now, I'm just asking for my flippin' parts to work. And the other thing about that is when you are taking serious meds, you can't just "kind of" try. You have to put your heart and soul into it which is extremely draining.
I had my first (major) emotional breakdown about all of this this week. All the frustration and attempts to stay positive, not to mention the extra boost of hormones, just came to a head. I think it was good, though. It made me feel a little better and it kind of set me back on the right track. I am desperately trying to remind myself that I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but when you are in the midst of it -- heart and soul -- its so hard to keep that in sight.
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