I first want to thank K-Tell for giving me the instructions for making such a fun new blog header. Not only is it fun to look at, but it was a lot of fun to make! Those who enjoy scrap booking will love ScrapBlog. Imagine having all of the decorative paper and stickers that you could ever want, but you don't have to pay the hefty price tag. Fun.

Its been a big week in our household. Not only are we still on a high after knowing there is no nasty cyst growing, as well as the fact things may even go our way this month, but, we also bought a new car! We definitely bought it preparing for what we hope is in our near future. Its more of a family car then what I was driving before and it has 4-wheel drive. With driving 20 miles one-way to work and now adding another 10 or so mile drive to graduate school in the Fall (!!) we decided I (and our hypothetical baby) would be safer. Take control of the things you actually can, right?

And, I *think* I got a positive OPK today. Yeah, I *think*. I say it that way because I've *thought* that before. And as crazy as I am about this sometimes I even wrapped the thing in tin foil, stuck it in a plastic baggie and made two of my nearest and dearest look at those frustrating little lines. They both agreed that it indeed was +, but of course I'm still skeptical. The Dr. said to call when/if I get a LH surge or on Friday (since today is already CD20)-- whichever came first. I think I'll go ahead and split the difference and call her tomorrow and tell her I *think* I got a +OPK. It sounded like either way they were going to test my progesterone Tues. or Wed. next week so whether I got a surge or not, my blood certainly won't lie.

Update

No cyst! Phew.

AND I actually have a mature follicle. Even better.

Now? Wait for the big "O"!

Keep those fingers crossed.

Waiting...

Waiting for the Dr. to call sucks as much as anything. As much as I try to occupy myself, knowing she could call at any time now has my heart beating faster and my stomach doing flips. I really don't know how to prepare myself for either scenario. Either its a cyst and we have to take some time off, but it could possibly give us some answers about whats going on, or its not a cyst and all this extra worry was for nothing.

So far this month, no positive OPK. I'm on CD 18 today. I'm starting to lose a little hope that things are actually going to work this cycle. I had really high hopes for this month, with the HSG and 150mg of Clomid and all. One possibility is that maybe I have been ovulating much past what is "normal". I'm considering holding off telling the Dr. that I haven't had a + OPK yet just to see if maybe its still on its way.

And so it continues

Just when I was feeling good about this month, we had a little set-back. The doctor called (herself, not the nurse) and told me that the Radiologist suspects I might have a cyst on my right ovary. Hmm. Apparently he can't see it on the x-ray, but the way the dye is "spilling" out of my tubes, its pouring over something. She said it could be nothing, or it could be something. The only way to know for sure is to have an ultrasound.

Fine, I'm fine with the ultrasound part -- after what I went through on Monday, I'm not phased -- its more emotional then anything. And a little anxiety, of course, but mostly I'm just bummed because I could feel my chances for things going well this month quickly slipping out of my reach as the dr. was talking. If it is a cyst, the chances of the Clomid working, along with the HSG, are null. And I'll never know if that cyst was there before or whether it was brought on by the meds. Grrr. Either way, I'm sure we are going to have to take some time off which is what frustrates me the most.

If one more person tells me that "its only been a few months" I am going to scream. I'm really not sure people hear me when I say that its not that I expected to be pregnant by now, I'm just asking for my flippin' parts to work. And the other thing about that is when you are taking serious meds, you can't just "kind of" try. You have to put your heart and soul into it which is extremely draining.

I had my first (major) emotional breakdown about all of this this week. All the frustration and attempts to stay positive, not to mention the extra boost of hormones, just came to a head. I think it was good, though. It made me feel a little better and it kind of set me back on the right track. I am desperately trying to remind myself that I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but when you are in the midst of it -- heart and soul -- its so hard to keep that in sight.

Ouch!

Boy, did that suck. I had my HSG procedure done yesterday where they basically "flush" out your fallopian tubes. Wow. Apparently it hurt worse for me because the dye took longer to spill out of one side. She thinks that that side was slightly twisted as well as blocked, but the dye was able to get it back in the right place as well as clear the blockage. Sweet. One more thing to check off the list, I guess, so that's good. I'm really glad that part is behind me.

I finished this cycle of Clomid on Saturday so I'll be in the testing phase this week. Again, always a mixed blessing. I get excited for this part at the prospect of things actually working, but I also get anxious because even those times I've thought things were doing their job, they in fact were not. Although, the doctor did say something yesterday that made me wonder if this HSG thing will actually do the trick. She said that just because my progesterone has been low 7 days after my LH surge, that that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not ovulating, it could just mean the process just never finishes -- which could be caused by a blocked and twisted tube.

Keep all the positive vibes you've got to spare headed my way!

Trying new things

I'm home from a great week with my grandparents in North Carolina. They live in this adorable retirement community that closely resembles a resort. We ate in the "Club House" every night for dinner, took their yappy dog for walks during the day, and lounged around on their porch chatting and reading. It was relaxing and gave me some really good quality time with my mom and sister as well as my awesome grandparents.

While we were there I got my (medically induced) period! Whoo hoo. That's true excitement, really. For most that means the annoying unwanted visitor, but for me it means the start of the next cycle. This cycle we tested Kyle -- he got rave reviews --, I have my HSG procedure scheduled for the 20th and my Clomid dosage has been bumped up another 50mg to a whopping 150mg. In addition to the medical things, I'm really interested in some of the natural ways to get your body back on track. I'm not so certain about the really radical herbs and such, but I do believe in this new Fertility Diet book I found while I was in NC. It is essentially the way I eat now, it just has you cutting out refined carbs, certain types of fats, and creating a different nutritional balance. The book is based on a study with 18,000+ nurses from all over the country so it seems pretty legit.

Another thing I'm trying, and I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this, is the Lunaception method. Remember, at this point I would just be thrilled to actually OVULATE. Lunaception is essentially a method centered around the moon. The idea is that you would sleep in complete darkness for days 1-13, then you would sleep with artificial moonlight (a nightlight, or hall light) for nights 14,15 and 16, and then you would go back to complete darkness. The thought is that your body would menstruate with the new moon during the first phase and then ovulate with the full moon in the middle of your cycle. Again, there have been a few studies where many women, after a few cycles, were able to regulate their cycles to correspond with the moon. Who knows, with an extra cover on the windows, it seems like its worth a try.

Clearly, I am trying to up my odds with every cycle. Any other ideas? I'll take 'em!

Midsummer Night's Dream

Happy 4th of July weekend! This is, and always has been, my favorite holiday. It stems from growing up in a community who has always had a large Independence Day celebration, with the heart of it steps from my parent's front lawn. It always felt like everyone was coming to "my" neighborhood, and I loved it. To this day, I love that I don't have to worry about parking and that I'm the one that can go set out the blanket early so we get a primo spot to watch the fireworks.

The 4th also marks the middle of the summer. How have I been off work for more then 6 weeks already?! What have I done? A lot really, it has just flown by! I still have another solid 6+ weeks to go, but I can't believe its half over. In all honesty, though, I'm looking forward to going back to work, and school! I miss my students, if you can believe that. I never thought I'd say "I miss work", but I do. I guess that's the joy of finding a job that you truly enjoy doing. And going back to school, although scares the shit out of me, is an exciting feeling. I always loved school, and now with a greater appreciation for education, I imagine I'll love it just as much, if not more.

Be careful with those fireworks...

Round 3

Being in between cycles was kind of nice this past week. No pills, no testing, just going about my day "normally". That ended Monday. I went in for bloodwork just so that they could tell me I wasn't pregnant in order to start the next cycle. Its kind of amusing, really. 'As far as we can tell, you didn't ovulate, but maybe you're pregnant.' Ha. I almost feel bad for the nurses every time we go through this drill because they think they are delivering bad news when in reality, I'd be shocked if they had said anything else!

So, I started the progesterone pills last night in order to have yet another medically induced period. Whatever, it feels good to be starting the next cycle. Especially since we added two additional tests this time. Kyle is a real trooper. He went in for 'his test' yesterday and was a really good sport about it. Not that I expected any different, but guys aren't as secure about all this testing as women, and as a friend of mine pointed out, its more socially taboo to talk about the guy's part in all of this. So, he went in, did his thing, and has remained in really good humor. It felt really nice, for once, to have some of this testing be his responsibility instead of mine.